Several months ago I wrote a post on bullying. (Bullying is Never OK). Despite hoping it would go away, it really hasn’t. I would have to say that overall it’s compounded, spread, and generally got worse. Over the months since I wrote that first post, I have, (being prone to overthinking things), analysed the reasons for this, and although it hasn’t actually stopped the behaviour, it has helped me understand it, and get through the best I can. There have been some pretty tough times where I have needed guidance and help, and fortunately I have a great support network who have reached out or listened to me when I needed to talk about it. I am not sure how I would be travelling now if I didn’t have that.
To be clear, I am not looking for sympathy; just awareness. I have endeavoured not to be too outwardly different, but I am sure the experience has possibly contributed to making me seem a little more distant, a little more reserved, and a little more wary than I would usually be.
The reality I am faced with is that this situation I find myself in may never go away. Unfortunately I am not in a position at this stage to remove myself from the situation entirely without creating other ripples that I don’t want to create. And so, I must go on, and I must demonstrate that I am better, that I am stronger, and that I will never give up, or be defined by anyone else’s ideas of who I am and what I represent. If I give up my own race, I fear that others may be targeted in my stead; others who may not be strong enough, or have support enough, to fight the fight and finish their own race.
Run your own Race!
Rachel Sag - April 2019.
When the starters’ blocks are reversed (just for you),
And there are obstacles put in your way,
When the sound of the pistol falls on your deaf ears,
And you can't hear a word that they say,
When they continue to stab away at your back;
Too gutless to come at your face,
Just turn up your playlist and put on your shades,
And get ready to run your own race.
When the wind's in your hair, and there's joy in your heart,
And the sun on your face makes you smile,
When the beauty of nature you see on your way,
Amazes you mile after mile,
When the foot of your foe comes out to assist
Your descent in a fast fall from grace,
You must pick yourself up, and dust yourself off,
And continue to run your own race.
And each time it happens, though you're wearier still,
Perhaps sorry your foes cannot grow up,
You must run on regardless; stride after stride,
And continue to strive and to show up.
In the end, if you do, perhaps you will triumph,
No matter you've set your own pace.
Maybe they'll give up, even see they were wrong (?!)
And YOU will have won your own race.